Communicating concerns to a parent

"Mrs. Smith, I would like to talk to you about Jack.”

We all know what this means … you know and parents know. Very rarely are these words followed by a glowing report about how wonderful the child is or how they may just be on the path to winning a Nobel Prize. This conversation can go either way – the parent has heard this comment many times before and is prepared for what is to follow or, before you finish the sentence, the parent has already prepared their defensive case. Either way, we are all on the same page in knowing that this discussion is going to be about concerns you have regarding their child. It isn’t an easy conversation to deliver or to receive.

Whether your concerns are about academics, behaviour, motivation, participation or attendance, how you approach the meeting can make or break your relationship with the parent and the child. However, there are some simple things you can do to keep the parent-teacher relationship mutually respectful, open and outcome-focused.

Be aware of your timing.

The timing of when and how you request to meet a parent for a challenging conversation is crucial and one we often overlook. If the matter is urgent and you need to speak to the parent that day, then a quick call to see if they can meet you after the bell goes, or a private message through your school communication app to set up a phone call after school, lets a parent know you value their time and privacy. Requesting a catch-up in front of other parents at pick-up or expressing your concerns when the child is with them is awkward for everyone.

Be specific about your concerns.

General comments like, “He doesn’t concentrate”, or “I am concerned about him” or inserting a big, deep breath before any of these is not useful. The more specific you can be about the particular concerns you have, the better the parent can understand what you are seeing. A comment like, “I have noticed that when we are doing group work and the other students are talking, (insert child’s name) will put his head on the desk with his hands over his ears and not do his work until the talking becomes quieter” makes it much easier for the parent to ‘see’ and understand than, “He is not doing his work”.

Avoid overloading the parent.

When a parent hears that you need to talk to them, their thoughts immediately go into overload and they may begin creating imaginary scenarios as to what the conversation could be about. Think about when a partner says, “We need to talk”. Boom! Our brains explode with possibilities. If you have many concerns about how a child is settling into class or in relation to their behaviour, pick the concern that is having the biggest impact and start there.

Come up with a solution, together.
Successful schools are focused on the culture of the school community, and a vital part of that is the parent-teacher relationship. When expressing a concern with a parent, ensure you have a potential strategy in mind to address your concern, as you can bet the parent will ask you either what you have tried already or what you intend to do. This will show the parent that you are prepared to help. It is also important that the parent’s opinion is valued. Ask them if they have used anything with success at home or for their thoughts on strategies to support their child in the classroom.